Client & Advisor Update - November 24, 2008
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Anticipation of L-Tryptophan Induced Coma Results In Typo Error
An alert reader of last week’s Update was quick to point out that retailers do not, in fact, traditionally call the day after Thanksgiving “Black Thursday”. Yes of course, that would be silly. As we all know, it is known as “5am Door Buster Specials Black Friday.”
Additionally, the L-Tryptophan in the turkey is not really the cause of your post-meal drowsiness. While this is a fondly embraced myth, food scientists pin the blame on alcohol and carbohydrates.
It was a good catch by one of our loyal readers, but then why only one?
Market Update
Here is the condensed version: markets down, gold up, credit tight, no auto bailout, Citi sleeps. Instead of yet another installment of wet-blanket news from Wall Street on this glorious calorie-laden week featuring relatives in fashionable elastic-waist pants, we give you instead some Thanksgiving humor.
Enjoy…
First, the weather:
Turkeys will thaw in the early morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder. During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Expect heavy downpours of gravy across the plate. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while green bean casserole and sweet potatoes will be locally heavy in other areas.
Severe weight gain and indigestion warnings have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness forming around the Belts and Loops. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to an overnight low of 34F in the icebox. Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, a high pressure to eat sandwiches will build and stabilize. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of turning into soup late on Saturday or by midday Sunday. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.
- www.lilesnet.com
“This is how my Mom cooks our turkey…”
“She has Grandma do it.”
“She stuffs it and cooks it, as far as I know.”
“She puts it in the oven. Does it for 2 minutes. Then puts it on a barbecue then asks Dad to cook it. Then she goes into the house and takes care of everything else.”
“She takes the guts out and stuffs it with rice.”
“She spits on it and takes it to the BBQ. Dad does the rest.”
“She buys a pizza.”
- From Crossroads Church
Cooking the Turkey:
1. Go buy a turkey
2. Drink a glass of wine
3. Put turkey in the oven
4. Drink another glass of wine
5. Set the degree to 375 ovens and get turned on
6. Have another glasses of 2 wine
7. Turk the bastey
8. Wine another of open bottle
9. Ponder the meat thermometer
10. Glass yourself a pour of wine
11. Bake the wine for 4 hours
12. More sips and binish the fottle
13. Take the oven out of the turkey
14. Floor the turkey up off of the pick
15. Turk the carvey
16. Open bine another of wottle
17. Tet the sable, gill flasses
18. Bless the saying, deat, rink and pass out
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
- Irv Kupcine
We hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving!